My hand turned me down
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
