Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
