You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My feet surprised me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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