you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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