I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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