babies were throwing up all over the place
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
