remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
