Your mouth is God's brothel.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
