i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
