so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
