We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
last night I used snow as a chaser
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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