there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
