my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
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Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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