capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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