I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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