I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
