onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
