I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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