When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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