Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing