You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.