there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.