I wish I could punch you in the face.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen