i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill