you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much