Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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