so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
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My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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