Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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