i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
