would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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