Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
