she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
