Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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