I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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