does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize