tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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