She said her name was "party"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma