I hate all girls vehemently.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.