and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
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They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?