Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.