I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
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his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.