Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
