Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
