I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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