for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
