i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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