he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
