so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
