Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
