I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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