Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just tell him i said nine months
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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