yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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