Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
