just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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