I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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