She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
the liver wants what the liver wants
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
