Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
