So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize