maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
