I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
