I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
