just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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