Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
