I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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