Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
