i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
