I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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