Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
