worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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