There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
