Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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