I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is the high leading the old right now
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
