Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
