Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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