miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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