i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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