I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
