Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
