you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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