I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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