I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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