Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I would fuck him just for his dog
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
