Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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