I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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