i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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